I'm probably going to be merging Fridays and Saturdays since I usually don't spend much time at home on the weekends.
"If the brain were simple enough to understand, we wouldn't be smart enough to figure it out."
We humans are weird creatures. That grey lump of tissue in our skulls tells our bodies to react in certain ways without us even being aware of it. Play a song you like, and the hair on your neck will stand up. Watch a particularly emotional part of a movie, and your skin will rise with goosebumps. (This is called Frisson, by the way. There are internet forums where people share music and movie clips with the sole purpose of creating this feeling of frisson.)
Studies have shown that when listening to music, the brain emits huge amounts of dopamine, the chemical that makes us feel 'good.'
When we are speaking to someone we care about, our eyes naturally dilate. There are countless ways in which the body naturally and involuntarily reacts to outside stimuli. And while it is completely obvious, I'm going to share with you an important one that I have noticed in this experiment.
I spent a good deal of Friday walking around State's campus asking for signatures to get Ron Paul to come speak in Raleigh. During that time, I experimented with different ways of asking people.
I first tried the simple "Would you mind signing our petitions...etc etc." That worked well enough, but I wanted to see how other methods would go.
I next tried making the person feel as if I really needed them. To do so, I started off with "Hey, can you help me out real quick? We are trying to get signatures etc etc.." It's no secret that people like to feel like they are needed. This actually brought about much better results than the initial method, but also had the drawback of the person feeling like they might actually have to do something they didn't feel like doing.
Then I tried starting off with simply "Hey how are you today? Can you sign etc etc.." The key to this was sounding genuinely interested in that persons day. This took a bit too much time, and while effective, wasn't exactly ideal.
Then it finally hit me. Why had I been so scared to initiate conversation with people the past couple days? Because they didn't look friendly. They were focused on their own lives and that made them seem less open.
So I did exactly what I imagined someone would do if they were trying to seem open and friendly. I looked them right in the eyes and gave them a great big smile. I didn't even have to say anything, just the smile was enough to get the person to instantly be willing to listen to what I had to say.
What's even more cool is most of the time, the people also smiled back! They didn't have any reason for smiling, yet they did simply because I was. Now, as I said earlier, this isn't exactly a discovery worthy of the Nobel prize in science, but I definitely think it's something we overlook quite often.
Since I'm behind on this blog, I'm going to leave you with an except from the classic book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" on the effectiveness of smiling:
"You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
I have asked thousands of business people to smile at someone every hour of the day for a week and then come to class and talk about the results. How did it work? Let's see ... Here is a letter from William B. Steinhardt, a New York stockbroker. His case isn't isolated. In fact, it is typical of hundreds of cases.
"1 have been married for over eighteen years," wrote Mr. Steinhardt, "and in all that time I seldom smiled at my wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the time I got up until I was ready to leave for business. I was one of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broadway.
"When you asked me to make a talk about my experience with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week. So the next morning, while combing my hair, I looked at my glum mug in the mirror and said to myself, 'Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today. You are going to smile. And you are going to begin right now.' As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife with a
'Good morning, my dear,' and smiled as I said it.
"You warned me that she might be surprised. Well, you underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered. She was shocked. I told her that in the future she could expect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up every morning.
"This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness into our home in the two months since I started than there was during the last year.
"As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator in the apartment house with a 'Good morning' and a smile, I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at the cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change. As I stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people who until recently never saw me smile.
"I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me, I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievances in a cheerful manner,
I smile as I listen to them and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier.
.....
You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:
"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
"Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. ..."
Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it."
Between the petition signing and going out on Saturday night, I met plenty of new people. I spoke with a man in his 40's about politics for some time, a young woman majoring in religious studies, a teacher, all of whom enriched my life and altered my thinking, even if in a small way, with only their words and ideas.
I want to leave you with some words from essayist Elbert Hubbard. Since having read them, I can honestly say that I ponder them in my head before I go out every morning:
"Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect
takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.. . . Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude - the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis."
Now let's see your secret weapon.
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